3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
