please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
