remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
