i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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