thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
