We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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