We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
