True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
