Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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