Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
