she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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