I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
