FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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