3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
