he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
