wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
