somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
