They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
