who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
