I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
