remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
