my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
