So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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