I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
