umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
