So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
