butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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