It's Friday. Sex?
he thought i was a dude.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize