Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
