His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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