It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We need to get me chipped asap
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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