worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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