And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
