This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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