Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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