He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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