I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the raccoons are back...
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