You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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