he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
