I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize