bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
