I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
