I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
