Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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