I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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