They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
