apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
