i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
