What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
FUCK WHALES
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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