I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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