it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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