It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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