guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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