I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
