It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i love accidental penises.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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