so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
