my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
