If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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