Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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