What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize