I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
