Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
