id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize