she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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