i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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