easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
