I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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