is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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