my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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