just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
