Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
