see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
