my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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