I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
