first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
