'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
