I love having hate sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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